finding out the gender

The gender of my third.  It is something I have contemplated since I was pregnant with my second.  I know that sounds crazy, or dramatic, or something but it is true.  We waited to find out the sex of our first until he was born… that exciting moment in the hospital room when, in our case, my husband yelled, “it’s a boy!”  With our second we weren’t sure if we wanted to find out or not, even going in to the 20 week ultrasound we were questioning if we wanted to know… but the bitch tech accidentally showed us the penis and when she apologized and I asked for what she said “for showing you the penis.”  I mean, really?  I didn’t even know what I was looking at but it was what it was and then we knew.  Another boy!  I LOVED the idea of having brothers, and having them so close in age (two years apart almost exactly) they would grow up together as not just brothers but friends.  But from the moment I found out my second was a boy I began to wonder about my third.  We always said we would have three (little did we know at the time what an adventure getting to the third would be) and I wondered what that would be.  Would I be a boy mom?  A life full of boy everything?  Or would we have a girl.

So here we were, I had made it to 11 weeks and “the blood test.”  The blood test, which was to reveal the chromosomal make-up of our unborn child – including the gender – would take 8 to 10 days to come in.  A few days later the boys and I left for a few weeks in Colorado and  I was expecting a phone call sometime while we were there.  Jim was joining us a week later, just about the time I expected the call so the timing seemed perfect.

A few days after we arrived my friend and I decided to have a few hours walking around Aspen.  I got a sitter for the boys and they went to the park with her so that we could have some adult time.  Wait, let me preface the rest of the story… it hadn’t even been a week since I had gone to the doctor and I wasn’t expecting a call yet at all.  Ok, so there we were, walking around and I really needed to pee.  No surprise.  We made our way to Starbucks because they always have an available bathroom, I ran in and then we both ordered an ice tea.  We decided to sit down when my phone rang, a Miami number I didn’t know, and I answered.  The second the woman identified herself my heart began racing… the baby was healthy, the chromosomes normal, a let out a sigh of relief.

Then she asked if I wanted to know the sex.  I wasn’t ready.  Not here. Not like this.  It all felt so overwhelming.  I asked her, like I had planned if Jim wasn’t with me, if she could call back and leave it on my answering machine.  She said it wasn’t a problem and I held the phone as she called back and watched it go to voicemail.  Then it pinged… new voicemail. AHHH!  The gender of my baby was on my voicemail.  It was a Monday and Jim was arriving on Thursday so I figured I would wait until then to find out.  But something about it being on my voicemail didn’t feel right… I wanted in written in a sealed envelope, I’m not sure why but that just felt better.  So my friend and I were off on a mission, to find a store with stationary and a woman who would listen to the message and write it down for me.

We walked into a store my friend remembered sold cards and picked a set to buy then as I walked up to the register and the woman that was checking people out was pregnant… couldn’t have been better!  I told her the situation, paid for the cards and waited while she turned around, listened to the message and wrote it down.  She sealed the envelope and handed it along with my phone back to me.  I forward the voicemail to a rarely used email that wasn’t linked to my phone and then double erased it, put the card in my purse and walked out.

Now my intention was to wait at least until Thursday to open it, at least.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to know.

The rest of the day went on as normal but this card was burning a hole in my pocket so to speak. OK I’m not being honest enough here, I basically thought I was going to throw up for the rest of the day. I was freaking out.  Here was my destiny, was I to have a daughter or not.  I kept reminding myself that after EVERYTHING I had been through these last five years all I really wanted was a healthy baby.  And it was true.  And truthfully I really thought it was going to be a boy, I figured the odds were that it was.

By that night I just couldn’t stand it, I think I made it 7 hours and decided I had had enough torture and needed to know.  I FaceTimed Jim and held up the envelope and said I wanted to know.  I am pretty sure he didn’t actually think I was going to open the envelope, because as I started to his eyes got wide and then I flipped open the card…..


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